


Elephant Wiener

by Red Eyes Black Scythe (VisceraNight)



Series: Being Guillermo is Suffering [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Also Starring: An Elephant Shaped Thong, Awkward Conversations, Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Nandor the Relentless, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28017540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Red%20Eyes%20Black%20Scythe
Summary: The pervert couple are just casually doing sex things in the fancy room. Guillermo is staying out of that. Nandor is yelling at Laszlo for implying that maybe Guillermo would like to be involved.You know, just normal roommate stuff.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Series: Being Guillermo is Suffering [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049522
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	Elephant Wiener

~ Elephant Wiener ~

Guillermo was in his room, purposely ignoring the fact that he knew the perverted vampire couple were getting up to some kind of sexual shenanigans in the fancy room. It was going to be hell to clean up any body fluids they spilled on the upholstery, but he would just have to deal with that later, since the couple didn't have their own familiar at the moment.

"Stop thinking about it," he said to himself.

Unfortunately, his self did not follow the order and kept thinking about it.

* * *

Things were going in exactly the direction Nadja was hoping for, until she removed her husband's pants and saw what he was wearing underneath them.

"What are you wearing?" she asked.

Laszlo took a step back and proudly showed off what he was wearing: a novelty thong shaped like an elephant's head.

"Do you like it?"

"What is this stupid thing?" Nadja said after getting a good look at it.

"It's a little elephant costume for my cock," her husband replied, still not quite getting a clue that his wife did not find the item amusing or arousing in the least. "I purchased it at a human sex-object shop."

His smile faltered as he noticed the deep scowl on Nadja's face.

"Do _humans_ find this sexy? You look ridiculous! I'm going to take that stupid thing off of you and _burn_ it."

At this point she started toward him with the intention of doing exactly what she'd said, and Laszlo responded by running away from her.

"I can't believe you don't like it," he lamented, as he scrambled over the back of the couch to get away from his wife's grasping claws.

"That horrible little thing is almost as bad as your stupid witch skin hat!"

"Don't bring my hat into this! You know I love that hat!"

* * *

It was the anger present in the yelling and banging sounds emanating from the fancy room - indicating that this was something different than his roommates' usual disrespect for shared spaces by doing sex things in rooms that were not private - that brought Nandor into the room to see what was going on.

Immediately he wished he could scrub the sight from his brain. Nadja being angry with Laszlo and chasing him around the room, that was fine and normal. Laszlo wearing nothing but a little blue tube covering his man parts was an image that Nandor could definitely do without.

Nandor settled his gaze firmly on Nadja, who still had a decent amount of her clothing on, and asked, "What is going on?"

Nadja, however, explained nothing. She simply pointed at her husband - more specifically, at the only item of clothing Laszlo happened to be wearing - and snarled, "Tell him that stupid thing looks ridiculous and unsexy!"

"I bet Gizmo wouldn't think it looked ridiculous and unsexy," Laszlo grumbled.

He thought he was _clearly_ implying that Nandor's familiar would find such a thing sexy if worn _by Nandor_ , and while Nadja got her husband's meaning, it was clear by Nandor's reaction that he entirely misinterpreted the supposition.

* * *

Guillermo was only vaguely aware of what was going on in the fancy room, and had no idea about the finer details of the goings-on, which left him completely nonplussed when he heard, through several walls, his master's panicked shout of:

" _You are not allowed to show Guillermo your elephant wiener! I forbid it!_ "

Moments later, Nandor burst into Guillermo's room and shook his familiar by the shoulders.

"If Laszlo says he has something to show you, do not look at it! No matter what!"

Guillermo, who truly had no idea what this was all about, merely said, "Of course not, Master. Please stop shaking me."

~end~


End file.
